I’d been talking about writing a blog for a while now,
specifically one about clouds. It’d been a joke of sorts. I like jokes, so I
let the idea live in that space. I had no real push to actually sit down and
write, which is terribly ironic seeing as how I bought myself a wooden velociraptor
model to occupy my mind for a few days (I started but it’s resting on the table
incomplete).
The past few nights I’d been staying up too late
procrastinating, looking at the social medias, Facebook most of all, which is
interesting because I don’t actually enjoy Facebook anymore. Don’t worry, when
I say interesting, I don’t actually mean it.
I had a thought: Stop procrastinating and write. So here I
am. I have a lot of thoughts about my current position in life, about where I
am physically, where I am with regards to health and my body, and too many (or
maybe not enough, really) about my next move when I’m back in the states. I
think about my jealousies and my stubbornness.
This is a weird space for me. My desire to learn has never
been stronger than it is now. I’m all too quickly realizing how much I don’t
know, how much knowledge is out there that I could know. And I’m trying not to
focus on (and for an over-thinker, doing pretty well) the learning
opportunities I missed or completely wasted (what’s a communications degree?)
and seek out the ones I want.
I read my first book by a Palestinian author – in fact, it
was the first piece of Palestinian media I’d ever really consumed – and I was
shaken to my core. I read my first book that really dealt with a piece of
history in the US, about the man who shaped the CIA and his absurdly despicable
abuses of power. I finally sat down and read Between The World And Me. I’m trying to read a lot. Also, I now
officially have my first bucket list item: To read the work of someone from
every country on Earth. (Hit me up with recommendations, p&ty!)
Forgive me for being preachy but in today’s world, watching
or even reading the news isn’t nearly enough because of it’s lack of reliability.
And having best friends as roommates (or at least one thought he was) for
multiple years from the other side of the political spectrum forced each of us
to seek out the source and dissect everything for bias. Doing this probably
pushed me even further left because of how crystal clear the murkiness/
shadiness of today’s political stage is on a global level. Btb, that wasn’t to
say what is murky to others is clear to me, but rather, it’s clear that there’s
an awful lot of awfulness. And it certainly spans the left and right alike.
I live in a country that values the lives of some vastly
more than others’ both in popular opinion and in law. I know I immediately have
to defend that sentence up because of how many people and close friends have
their identities wrapped up in the idea of the country as a successful state.
The first reaction I usually get is “Well, the US isn’t much better.” … cool, I
agree. My problem lies in the idea that people are jailed indeterminably for
exercising what should be “first amendment rights” because this is allegedly a
“democracy,” which is also a laugher. But also, I hate that a disgusting
right-wing government commits atrocities against humanity in the name of my
religion. Colonization is not Judaism. Apartheid is not Judaism. Y’all hear the
comments made by one of the head rabbis here? The man is a straight up racist
and justifies it by bastardizing Jewish text. No thanks.
Random Closing Thoughts:
Y’all ever just sit on the toilet
so long your legs fall asleep? That happens too often.
I have to do a better job of being
finished with food I like when my body is.
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